My Master (Daddy) and I are all moved out of our old house and moved into our new house.  Saturday was the day from hell!  We hired movers to take care of the heavy stuff on Saturday morning to save us the effort; the cable installation guy showed up at the same time as the movers and Daddy was at work.  So there I was, a crazed puppy, running around trying to coordinate everyone.  NIGHTMARE!  But Daddy is doing a masterful job of getting us unpacked and settled, and we’re beginning to recover a little of our sanity.

The new house is lovely.  It’s a little colder than the old house, so we’re trying to figure out how to keep the house comfortable, but it’s only been 4 days; we’ll get it right.

For me, the most challenging part of this move has been the lapse in my training.  Master and I have both been working so hard to pack and move the small stuff in our cars that there hasn’t been time or energy for formal training.  Then my dog bed got moved, and the old house was being shown to perspective tenants during our final weeks there, so we had to break down my cage and store it under the bed.  And after the move, I was so sore and achy that my Master didn’t want to put me in my cage for fear that I might cramp up and be injured.  So last night was the first time in what seems like weeks that I got to sleep in my cage.  I missed my safe cozy space.

And I learned a few things during the lapse in training about who I am and who I’m becoming and who I hope to become as a result of my Master’s training.  As the days passed with no training I felt myself slowly slipping into old modes of behavior.  I felt myself getting testy, moody and cranky.  I saw myself being disrespectful with my Daddy, and she let me get away with it, partly because we were both so exhausted that she didn’t want to push me, and partly because (I think) she looks up to me and my smarts just as much as I look up to her and her smarts, so when I’m focused and cranky and getting things done during such a stressful event as moving, I’m sure she doesn’t want to hamper that focus.

But I hated feeling that way.  The more willful and cranky I get, the less affectionate and sexual I feel.  It’s like I feel myself turning into a cantankerous old bitch that no one (not even me) wants to be around.  And nothing I’ve ever experienced in this world gets me out of that headspace like being taken in hand and trained to be submissive and respectful.  And no one has ever been able to train me like my Master can.  And I’ve never in my life wanted to submit to anyone with the complete surrender with which I want to submit to my Daddy. 

Through living life and being a freak in a world that shuns difference, I’ve learned to be sarcastic and cranky and irreverent.  These are personality traits that run very deep in me.  These characteristics bring me no pleasure.  They really just amount to a defense system to keep people from getting too close to me; if people get too close they might find out what a freak I am which is exactly what I’ve spent my entire life trying to avoid.  Sarcasm and biting wit are the thorns in me that keep most people on the outside of my emotional personal space

I don’t want to have that kind of relationship with my Master.  I want her close to me.  I want to submit to her.  I want to be trained to behave respectfully with her.  What I’m learning about myself is that I’m happiest when our training is consistent and loving.  I’m happiest in those times that Daddy actually gets me to experience my submission to her.  I’m happiest when I’m actually experiencing my submission through cage training or other forms of puppy training, through humiliation or pain.  When my Master puts me in my cage and I don’t resist, or when she puts my food on the floor and I simply get on my hands and knees to eat without question, or in those times when she’s made me follow her around a super market wearing handcuffs hidden under a sweater or when she’s out-of-the-blue had me come to her and lay face down on the floor at her feet and then up on my knees to beg for a treat, or in those moments that she bites my nipple until I scream or paddles my ass until my face is wet with tears, in those moments of total submission when I make no move to resist Master’s domination of me, those are the times that I feel most sexual, most affectionate, most open to love and being loved, and that’s who I most want to be!

I know that my Daddy loves me more than she’s ever loved anyone in her life.  And I know that her love for me is the reason that she often hesitates to hurt or humiliate me.  I hope that someday through my consistent, non-resistant submission she will learn that, at least for this little puppy-girl, I experience her dishing out of pain and humiliation as acts of purest love.  In the same way, I hope that over time, through my Master’s consistent pet training, my brain will slowly be re-wired so that I’m openly loving, affectionate and sexual with my Daddy at all times.

I love you, Daddy!


One Response to “Recovering”

  1. I love you, too, Princess.



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