Negotiation of Limits

I’ve been thinking about limits today.  Daddy and I went to a flogging workshop on Monday night.  It was a great workshop, filled with exciting information that neither Daddy nor I were aware of.  How to pick a flogger, how to handle a flogger to maximum affect, and how to care for a flogger.  The presenter did a very nice job of covering technique, from warm up to build up to after-care.  And the workshop ended with a free-for-all audience participation social.  Most of the audience grabbed a flogger and either tried out what we had just learned, or had the techniques tried out on them.  It was a lovely sight to behold.

The thing that struck me most about the workshop was the attention that was given to safety and care of the bottom.  The presenters, a family of extreme edge players with a reputation for heavy use of pain in our local BDSM community, were careful to review the areas of the body not to strike (the spine, the neck, backs of joints, the kidneys, etc.)  They made it clear that, even though serious pain is being inflicted in some cases, much care must be taken to avoid lasting physical damage.

As I sat listening to and absorbing the safety lecture, even as the lead presenter repeatedly struck his bottom with a flogger, a sense of ease came over me.  Most people in the kink community are in it for the joy of it.  We’re mostly involved because we enjoy it, tops and bottoms alike.  No one (with a few notable exceptions) really wants to do harm to their bottom.  Especially not an Owner/Mistress; she wants to care for and maintain her slave/pet in good order.  After all, if she does serious harm to her pet, then she’s only screwed herself because the fun and games are over until her pet is all better.  And heaven forbid she should hospitalize or snuff her pet; the authorities tend to frown on such behavior.

And especially, as in the case of my Daddy and me, the Owner often actually LOVES her pet and wants the fun and play to be mutual and bonding.

All this raises a lot of questions for me about limits.  As an owned pet I pledge to my Daddy on a fairly regularly basis that I’m following her lead, that I’m going to do whatever she tells me to do whether I object or not.  What is the place of negotiation of limits when it comes to being a pet?  There’s always an ‘out’ via safe word; Daddy and I are in agreement that “red light” immediately ends whatever is going on in the moment.  But I’ve never used “red light”, and I’m not sure that I ever will.  So what if my Daddy was to tell me to do or endure something that completely went beyond my limits?  What might it look like if such an occurrence precipitated a breakdown in the harmony between my Daddy and me?

I love my Daddy and my Daddy loves me.  What does communication and negotiation look like between Owner and owned?  First and foremost, Daddy and I are a married couple.  I thrive on Daddy dominating me.  Daddy thrives on being the dominant.  We fit together beautifully, and we both have a lot of fun within the power exchange.  But we’re still a married couple, both committed to and focused on maintaining the health and well being of our eternal bond of matrimony.

My biggest limit, the area that challenges me most, has nothing to do with pain or body modification.  I’m not a masochist and don’t particularly enjoy intense pain, but I can handle physical pain, and the fact that I don’t crave being whipped and spanked makes it all the more exciting and erotic when my Daddy hurts me.  Taking a sound spanking from my Daddy very quickly gets me into a submissive frame of mind, and I love that.  And for days after a good spanking I feel completely submissive to my Daddy, and I love that.  When I’m asked to do something that I’m not particularly eager to do, it makes my submission to my Daddy’s will 1000 times sweeter to me than if I actually enjoyed the whip.  Plus I get to feel very proud of myself (and Daddy is proud of me too) that I took my whipping like a big girl.

When a lot of time passes without Daddy taking time to train me into a submissive head space, through pain, bondage, puppy training, etc., then I find myself slowly reverting back to my smarty pants bratty mouthy self, and I really don’t like being like that… seriously, I can’t help it.

But my biggest limit is psychological.  I have a terrible jealous streak.  It can get quite irrational at times.  I’ve done a lot of spiritual work on myself over the years; I’ve really come a long ways towards getting past my irrational jealousies.  But I still have a long way to go.

So what happens if Daddy decides that she’s going to push my jealousy limits?  What happens if my Daddy decides that she’s in charge and I’m just a pet and she’s going to do something with someone else that pushes all my jealousy buttons?  What if my Daddy commands me to just take?  What if she calls it a scene and says she’s just pushing my limits?  Where is matrimonial harmony in such a scenario, and what kind of consequences could our marriage face as a result?

It’s a silly question really.  Daddy has no intention of seriously hurting me.  My Daddy loves me with all her heart.  She has no more intention to seriously injure me psychologically than she intends to injure me physically.  Perhaps the resolution of the question “what is the place of negotiation of limits” comes down to communication on my part.  If I’m feeling something negative that I’m perceiving as a step too far, well then as Daddy’s pet my responsibility is to speak up and make my Daddy aware.  If a rope is too tight, or if I’m in a position where I’m having trouble breathing, then I have a responsibility to my Daddy to make sure that she’s aware.

If I’m feeling an emotional response (like jealousy) that I suspect may jeopardize the harmony of our marriage, then I have a responsibility to bring that feeling to my Daddy’s attention.

Daddy decides how a scene is going to proceed.  My responsibility is to do what I can to make certain that my Daddy has all the information so that she can make the wisest decision in order to affect the result she wants from her efforts at training her pet.  If I keep a seriously negative feeling from my Daddy, then I’m not being a good submissive.

Being the best possible submissive to my Daddy is a responsibility I take very seriously.


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